Saturday, July 16, 2011
I didn’t sleep too well last night. As a result, I was up around 6:00 so I spent some time in reflection with the Lord by the river, next to the swimming hole. My two weeks in Romania is coming to an end as well as my time with my new orphan friends. If you were to ask me last week what my thoughts were on coming back, I would not have had a ready answer. However, my heart has been transformed by the relationships God has made possible over the past two weeks. I struggle with wanting to take things in my control and help change their situation. Give them hope in a seemingly hopeless environment at the orphanage. However, I’m reminded that it’s not all about me and all things are possible through Christ. Through Christ, God will change hearts.
In Matthew 5:3 it reads: Blessed are the poor in spirit. Oswald Chambers says, “The teaching of the Sermon on the Mount produces despair in the natural man—the very thing Jesus means it to do. As long as we have a self-righteous, conceited notion that we can carry out our Lord’s teaching, God will allow us to go on until we break our ignorance over some obstacle, then we are willing to come to Him as paupers and receive from Him. The bedrock in Jesus Christ’s kingdom is poverty, not possession; not decisions for Jesus Christ, but a sense of absolute futility—I cannot begin to do it. Then Jesus says—Blessed are you. That is the entrance, and it does take us a long while to believe we are poor! The knowledge to our own poverty brings us to the moral frontier where Jesus works.”
I gaze at the cabins as I listen to the rush of the river next to me, thinking how sad it is for these boys to have to return to an orphanage where they are fighting for significance, longing for someone to care about them. However, God is in control and His Grace goes beyond my own understanding of their plight. I believe God has brought me into their lives for His purpose and I pray that I can continue to walk through the doors he opens for me. I can only hope that that includes a trip back so that I can follow up with these new relationships.
My time by the river ends and I must join my team for one last time of devotions. Tony was the only one in the room when I arrived. So I was able to exchange some thoughts with him. I am glad and appreciated having the opportunity to work with he and Kim during the two weeks. The two of them will stay for another two weeks as camp interns.
Josh soon joined the group and handed out hand-written notes not to be opened until we reached Bucharest. I think I mentioned earlier that Josh joined our team at the airport when we arrived in the country. What a great addition to have him with us. He actually came to be an intern for six weeks, which means he will be staying on with Tony and Kim. He just turned 32 on this trip and loves to laugh and joke around like the rest of us, which is ironic since he struggles with depression. You would never know it from his happy-go-lucky character.
After devotions we joined the Romanian team for one last wake up call around the cabins. Costel, Razvan and a couple of other boys joined us as we walked into each cabin and sang our wake up song. For some it was a rude awakening, but I think everyone appreciated the effort and grew to look forward to the morning ritual.
Breakfast was a quick and somber event. I had hoped to sit with Yonuts but it didn’t work out. Afterwards, I was able to spend 15 minutes talking with Sebi one-on-one with Emma as my interpreter. I remember on Thursday I saw him sulking while sitting on a swing. I wasn’t sure what was up and he wouldn’t respond to my attempt at addressing his need. A couple hours later I learned that he was upset that the photo we developed for him was just of him alone and not of me and him. My heart went out for him. I had no idea how important that was to him.
That moment emphasized for me how starved these boys are for the attention of a male leader in their life. All week I noticed how they went to extremes to perform some service for attention and affection. More than once a boy would look at me with longing eyes asking for me to be their father or for me to take them home. I am moved at how transparent and vulnerable this was as well as a cry out for help out of desperation.
Soon after my conversation with Sebi I was setting up chairs for Debbie’s final address. This was a time for closure and appreciation for a meaningful and emotional week. T-shirts were then handed out before heading down to the gazebo for one last photo opp.—a group shot. Of course, this spawned reasons for additional shots. Making memories is never finished until there are no memories to be had.
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